About Me

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Happy girl always act happy however forgot what does it called happy actually

Friday, July 20, 2012

Territory

没错,这里是你的地盘。
我,也不是很想踏进你的地盘,可是我没有选择。
如果能离开,我也想。只是那只是个如果。
我以为,我可以在这里重新开始,原来还是我想太多。
在这里,我找不到自己,找不回自己,失去了自己。
这里,我变得虚伪。连自己都讨厌自己。总是口不对心,不喜欢也要说喜欢,不想要也得说要。
要做自己都不行,因为这里不可能有人接受那种自己。
为什么。
是要我像你们一样每天板着一张脸做人?要我每天愁眉苦脸?
原来开心都有错。
抱歉,我不是你们。
我只是没有地方可去,不是非得做你们的奴隶,不是非得听你的。
你以为,你是对的。
你以为,你最强。
你以为,你最需要尊重。
请问,别人算什么?
你的狗?
对不起,你的自以为是真的让人喘不过气。
你的高傲真的让人不知所谓。
你的固执更让人无奈透顶。
你是要证明什么?
拒人于千里之外是要让人觉得你很行吗?
总是批评着别人可否想过你更应该检讨自己?
你的这样那样只会让人不想靠近。
如果哪一天我变成那种虚伪的人还真的要谢谢你。原来那就是你所谓的长大?


我说xx,
我多想念,多怀念,以前我,以前的我们,以前的你们。
我知道,变了。
我知道,只是我一个人,不可能有多快乐,我承认。
我知道,想回到我们的世界也已经不可能。
可是我却总是醒不来。一直不想醒来。
每一次失意的时候还是会忍不住问,为什么你要丢下我。
是啊,为什么。你到现在还没回答我。我一直在等你的答案。
你累了,把我们留在这里,是想把我训练得更坚强吗?
没有你我怎么坚强的起来。
没有你,我才知道我有多脆弱。
没错,至少现在我知道你的离开不是个梦。
那又怎样?面对会比逃避好得了多少?自欺欺人未必不好。
每一天回到这里就会压力压力压力。
做什么都要小心翼翼,说什么都要想得清清楚楚。
因为这里不是我和你的地盘。不能为所欲为,不能爱大笑就大笑,不能爱粗鲁就粗鲁,不能想说粗话就是粗话。什么都不能。
只要被叫到就要马上去做。不能再像以前那样,拖拖拖,等等等。
很多事都要自己做,没有给我当后盾。
现在,我终于知道,了解,体会到你说过、骂过、念过的那一字一句了。
有一句话,再也听不到。
很真。我到现在才惭愧。
可惜没有用。我还是得继续活继续过。


我真的过的很不好,不是物质上,是心理上。
真的很需要、很想你。而你,到底在哪里?
你过得好吗?我可以从哪里知道你的事。我也不知道。
希望你还好吧。希望你还记得我们吧。希望你还记得我们喜欢一起哈哈大笑,希望你还记得我们一起面对的那些好事、坏事、开心事、伤心事。
总是不懂得体会你的苦心,现在真的在受报应了。
好吧。我很好。我对自己说。如果你在,如果你知道,如果你后悔离开我,没关系,我接受,我知道你有你的理由,你有你的为什么。没什么,我很好。努力让自己很好很好。




Thursday, June 28, 2012

Goodbye

I was sleeping just now, during pn tan's lesson. lol. Suddenly heard jia sing and bla bla bla that group were talking about changing of timetable. They said, Miss Jasmine will not be our muet teacher anymore. Sure or not /.\ After I wake up, they told me again. I see. That's not a dream. I shocked. At least a little bit shocked. Why huh. Yala, I admit I don't like her at first. But as times flies, she entered my life. I mean my muet life. She looked arrogant at first but actually she was just 38 as me. Maybe 38 than me. She acted different if compared with others teachers. Totally different.Her way of teaching also the modern way. Wondering at first and trying to accept it later, finally get along with her style. But gonna leave us at the end. lol. God was too boring. Like to joke with us. Never mind la, no leave no gathering. I mean 没有离别哪里来的相聚. During her lesson, I like the movie review the most. Although only carry out once, but I like it. Why? How should I know?? Feel lo. Made me have the feel to like it. I hope that this session can be continued. I enjoyed. As we really didn't have much time or chance to expose to english. So, if can, I am willing to spend time for movie review and it's ok to me if we have to do online reflection. 
I won;t forget you always ask me to skip the "la, li, lo, bla bla bla"  at the end of my sentences. haha.
I would continue my blog, with bi, if i have free time and when i am emo or what. I will continue to write something la.
Cherish for the time we 相处, start from now on.




p/s: when I type the word "jasmine" to search any "jasmine flower" image from google, I realise this girl also called Jasmine /.\

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Organ

Just Like Heaven, a good movie. Although a bit unnatural, but acceptable. Few of scenes almost made me cried. Indeed. How nice it is a true story that happened on me. At least I won't lose her. However, stupid thinking. After the movie, Miss Jasmine throw a question: Will we sign if we are Abby? No, definitely no, my answer. Others may have the contrast answer, me too, before I really experienced it. I would 100% for sure waiting for the miracle. As I am really not such rational person. 
However, if I am the one who is in the danger state or in coma, I sincerely hope that my family members can let me go, IF my condition really turn the worst. But I reject to be an organ donor. 
WHY??? 

Before I had that " nightmare ", I am a brave girl and I totally support and agree for the organ donation. I even decided to be a organ donor after i left this world. Maybe my action may saved someone who is urgently need the transplant of organ. And my action may published as the headline of newspaper by chance! But that is not my purpose of course. I want to save people. I want to contribute to the world with the ability I have. I want this world has some changes because of me. I don't mind if the changes is such minor and can even can be ignored.
My decision changed after I really lose the dearest one, I turned into a stupid and timid person. I remembered, her right hand fractured in that accident too. When she left, her hand was still in fracture condition. As I looked at her, who already sleep peacefully in the coffin, I felt sorry. I asked myself, why I can't let her go with a perfect, without any disability body? Why? Why? Why?
She had been suffered for so many years, why when she left us I still cannot give her anything? Why she had to go so suddenly without any words? Why she cannot go with perfect body? A scene appear in my mind, that is, she is doing household chores with her injured hand and she is doing things so inconveniently. Her facial expression looked suffering. Everytimes when I think of this, I am sad.
In addition, I strongly believe in the life after death. I believe people will continue their life even their soul left their body. Death people can also "live" as alive people. Death people only change the place they lived and some lifestyle, maybe. Or they didn't changed at all. They only change their form of appearance. So, how death people see when their cornea is removed? How death people pump the blood to the whole body when the heart had been take away? How death people excrete urea when both the kidneys had donated?
And, our parents bring us to this world with a perfect body. They even try their best to let us enjoy the best. Shouldn't us cherish what they give us?? 
Frankly to say, I am a bit traditional minded and selfish. But, I have my own views on the organ donation. Everyone can has their will and choice. We cannot forced someone or decided for them if they reject to do so. Respect plays an important role. We need to respect people's decision because everyone has their own life and they themselves are the one who is going to lead their life till they died.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

MUET

MUET, a new subject for us. Pre-u students.
Last time, only heard this from our seniors. MUET, MUET, MUET.
What is that actually? Never thought about this because 11 subjects made our cell all die already. How can i kill them anymore??!!
And before that, never thought that i will continue my further study in Form 6. True. However, it become truth now. I am studying Form 6 and gonna face this M.U.E.T. MUET!
First, i feel that it is nothing to me.
Yea, just first.
After MR Teoh's lesson this morning, oh no~~~~
What kind of stupid idea i have!
LOL
But, I don't think it's a problem for me.
I know, every problem will be no problem if we dare to try and dare to face.
So, I don't scare!
Even my speaking is not so "qio" than Pearline and Christie Tan and my dear miss UJC,
NVR MIND!
I have myself! I believe i can do it. 
So, of course I CAN DO IT!


MISS JASMINE, also a new teacher for us.
Very very new.
Meet her for few times before she entered our class.
First impression--- So action.
Really. Look action, look fierce, look strange.
Never think that she will be teaching us because she is a newbie wat.
But how should I know I am wrong!!
She will be teaching us MUET!
Oh my godness.
Who is she??
Why so pro can teach Form 6 /.\
The first time she entered the class, make me...... Oh, am I going to face her for one and half year time???????
Sky turn dark. Crows fly over. Aaaaaaaa..
After her introduction, not bad loh, acceptable.
But got a strong feeling, she is not my cup of tea. Maybe to her, me too.
Whatever.
Ya. She is new and she is nervous too.
So young have to take up the mission to teach these young adults.
Wish her good luck.
Hope she can do her part well.
Hope she can mix with our class well. ( I think that should be no problem to her as boys admire her, girls accept her, what's the problem? )
Hope she can understand what students want although sometimes students feel awkward to say it out.
Hope she can accept such a naughty, crazy and sot sot d student in her class. 
Ok, I will always love you and MUET with my best. =]


For the class, there is no problem for everyone to getting along well for sure.
But there is a problem to speak with ENGLISH.
So how? Dare to say loh.
Although sometimes I myself also scared to say with english because feel a bit nervous. Laugh loh. Never mind and I don't mind. If you really think that I can make you happy by that way.
But I dare. Even many of my pronunciation and grammar are wrong. So what. I can say. But Can You?

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

/.\

OH ya, blog come back. Shit, everytime forgot the password. Silly pattern please go away! Please! This time won't forget the password again. Sure!